<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Test and Trial by orphan_account</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23364907">Test and Trial</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account'>orphan_account</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>SEVENTEEN (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 11:34:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,296</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23364907</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The classic “can see colors when you meet your soulmate” troupe, except it’s more like, you go from seeing in black and white to all colors when your soulmate tells you their name.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Lee Seokmin | DK/Lee Jihoon | Woozi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prologue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐨, 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐚𝐭 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐢𝐭”<br/>
-𝐇𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐭 𝐛𝐲 𝐒𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐧</p><p>PROLOGUE: </p><p> </p><p>There’s a stinging in my eyes, a certain blur to my vision. And then warmth on my cheeks. I try to think back to a moment ago. A moment ago I was happy. Now I'm staring at the table, trying to avoid eye contact. And from my side of the booth I see the waitress approaching with our meals. I thought I had found my forever. But suddenly the world was turning into shades of grey again. This is the part I wasn’t expecting. I thought soulmates were forever, the person I would grow old with. I thought that’s what Seokmin was to me. I thought he would be my always, my home. </p><p>Jihoon storms out of the diner, eyes clouded with tears. He’s trying not to let it change him. He misses colors.</p><p> </p><p>[Oh take me back to the start]</p><p>Jihoon is sitting in the café-library down town from his campus. He’s sipping on a latte and reading Whitman. To be rather frank- Jihoon loves the coffee, the books, the ambiance. But there’s a much cuter reason why he comes basically every day of the week, a much cuter, smiley, hyper reason. The waiter, who has yet to give Jihoon his name is the primary reason why all of Jihoon’s spare money is disappearing on coffee and pastries. He’s certain- his 6th sense is telling him that the waiter will play an important part in his life. Today’s gonna be the day, today Jihoon is going to ask for his name. </p><p>After pretending to read Leaves of Grass for a good half hour, Jihoon packs up and heads to the register. </p><p>“Can I get my bill, please?”<br/>
“Leaving so soon?” Is the taller males responds. Jihoon chuckles and rubs the back of his head, “Finals are coming up, rest is the best before a test.” He says it in a sing-song tone, the melody drilled in his mind since middle school. “You’re absolutely right,” and then a big, blinding smile “that’ll be $9.76, please.” Jihoon fumbles with his wallet, “Sure, uhm, by the way, what’s your name?” Just then the taller male looks up from the register and stares dumbfounded at Jihoon. </p><p>Did he say something wrong? Does he think he’s hitting on him? Of course he thinks he’s hitting on him, he just asked for his name. Then the dreaded question: Is he straight? Oh, God, did Jihoon just hit on a het? Jihoon shouldn’t have asked anything. He begins regretting his boldness. He wishes he could rewind and not ask that, or at the very least that a hole could open up in the ground and just swallow him whole. </p><p>“Oh man, I could’ve sworn I put my nametag on today.” His anxious thinking immeadietly dissipitates. “My name’s Seokmin, Lee Seokmin”<br/>
And then Jihoon’s world explodes with color. Seokmin’s hair, his eyes, his tan skin, the color of the coffee beans, the green plants littered around the café, the blue and red neon “Open” sign, Jihoon almost squeals in excitement, tears come into his eyes, happy tears, he can feel his cheeks hurting, his smile growing. Seokmin looks at him curiously, honey-brown eyes focusing on Jihoon. And then he laughs, breathes and says “Hi, I’m Lee Jihoon,”. </p><p>A moment passes, Seokmin’s eyes widen. Jihoon stares at him expectantly, eagerness seeping out of his eyes. Seokmin laughs, and clutches his chest, “it’s nice to meet you.”, Jihoon says with a grin. </p><p> </p><p>[Tell me your secrets, ask me your questions]</p><p>It goes without saying that Jihoon gets Seokmin’s number. They facetime into the early hours of the morning. They text each other memes. Jihoon quickly finds out that Seokmin is a gastronomy major. Seokmin cooks him food- always. Seokmin finds that Jihoon is a literature major, he leaves notes littered on Seokmin’s side of the bed, the fridge, in his clothes drawer, in the fogged up mirror after their showers. The couple becomes domestic in almost record time. </p><p>Their first date is the local fair. They see the sunset on the ferris wheel. Seokmin buys Jihoon a funnel cake and shaved ice. They go on the “scary rides” as Seokmin would say because after the first rollercoaster he finds out Jihoon will grip his arm when he’s scared. Adding to the adrenaline rush, Seokmin thinks he might have a heart attack. </p><p>This and all the little things is what makes Seokmin and Jihoon an “us”. They dont let half a year go by before they’re moved in together. </p><p>Jihoon wakes almost every morning to the smell of pancakes and coffee brewing coming from the kitchen. On special days he has breakfast in bed. Morning breath never stops Seokmin from kissing his boyfriend. </p><p>They go to their classes, make lunch for eachother. They eat almost all their meals together. Jihoon helps the younger study, when he can that is- Jihoon isn’t too knowledgeable in cooking terms or what words like “rare” mean when it comes to cooking. Seokmin reaches the top shelf for Jihoon. He lets him tell him summaries of the books he reads and he reads his stories, giving him feedback every once in a while. </p><p>They go on evening dates, make it a habit. They dress up for eachother because Jihoon always wants to give Seokmin a boyfriend he can “show off”. Even though Seokmin says Jihoon can always be showed off. Even then, Seokmin dresses for Jihoon, denying to be left behind.</p><p>In bed, their legs tangle like the roots of a tree, they’re comfortable. They whisper “I love you’s” at 2 in the morning, listen to each other’s heartbeats. They drink eachother up, like sweet wine. They hold on tight and in their sleep, they don’t let go. </p><p>Jihoon’s most vibrant memory with Seokmin was a hot summer day. The type of grey clouds-humid, oppresive heat. A heat without sun. They woke up entangled, limbs everywhere. The only thing between them was a bed sheet. </p><p>They packed a picnic, drove to the beach. No one besides them was there. They read to eachother, taking turns laying in the others lap and playing with eachothers hair. Although they’re stuffed, Seokmin buys them popsicles. Jihoon ate half a dozen, derermined to find his favorite flavor. </p><p>It was yellow. He loved pineapple- atleast the artificial flavor. Seokmin’s favorite was the red, cherry flavored. If Jihoon really concentrates he can still remember the tastes- mixing in his mouth and then lingering there. Sticky hands, stained tounges, full, belly laughs.</p><p>It happened when Jihoon was running away into the sea, him and Seokmin were playing a game of tag. Seokmin, after chasing toward Jihoon and only making it in to where the water covered his lower torso yelled at Jihoon “Come back hoonie!” The overly competitive Jihoon didn’t swim back towards his boyfriend- determind to win the childish game of tag. That was the case until Seokmin yelled out the “I love you” Jihoon had been so desperately wanting to hear. The game of tag became irrelevant to Jihoon, thus giving up on it and, koalaing his boyfriend, saying he loved him too in between kisses. </p><p> It goes unsaid, it was a good day. The couple stayed on the beach until the sun had long set, going home by the time the street lights had began to hum. Jihoon was happy. </p><p>Seokmin was too, he had to be. Jihoon knew- he had to be. </p><p> </p><p>[I had to find you, tell you I need you, tell you I set you apart]</p><p>It had been a year and a half. It was a rainy day in April, Jihoon still remembers it. April 12th, he and Seokmin hadn’t seen each other for almost 4 months. </p><p>It was past mid day and he was still laying around waiting for a call from his boyfriend. Seokmin had been studying in Spain for his final quarter. Today he was supposed to get back, Jihoon was set on picking him up at the airport even if it meant he didn’t sleep until 4 in the morning that day. His flight was set to leave yesterday afternoon, with a stop in London, probably this morning. If Jihoon does his math right- the flight should land in lax around 1am. He was excited to see his boyfriend again. </p><p>It was 1:30am when Jihoon finally received the “Landed, come pick me up pleaseeeee, i wanna give you smooches” text from Seokmin. Jihoon lept up to get in the car and go to the airport. Jihoon stopped by a drivethru coffee bar, feeling his eyes close depite his determination to stay awake through the hour drive. </p><p>When Jihoon finally arrived at Seokmin’s terminal  it was around 3am. As soon as he parked the car to help with Seokmin’s luggage, they ended up making out on top of the trunk, seemingly ignoring the cars and taxis that were beeping at them. </p><p>Once inside the chilly car, Seokmin started whining that he wanted “take-out food” he was tired of eating fancy. With that said, Jihoon typed in the nearest pho to the airport, something he had been craving as well. They went to the pho and got take out. As they drove by the shore, on their way back home, Jihoon wanted so badly to get out and run in the beach, there was just a nagging in him, a desire forming to go into the sea when it was dark. Next thing he knew, he was parking the car and putting money in the parking machine, Seokmin climbing out with him, seemingly reading his mind. They carried the pho in their take out bags and pulled out sheet they had left in their trunk from their first picnic on the beach. They sat in the dark with only their phone’s flashlight to provide light. They ate their pho, listening to the waves and occasionally running away as they felt the ocean hit their toes, the tide drawing closer and closer to them. Once they were done eating, around 4:30am they had decided that the sunrise was soon enough to sit and wait for it. </p><p>They ended up singing to each other, taking turn laying in eachother’s laps. A few minutes before the sunrise began, Seokmin ran to the bathroom. When he came back and sat to watch the sunrise with Jihoon he seemed on edge, or nervous. Jihoon, not being able to pin it just glared at him and tried kissing it away. </p><p>When the sun began peeking above the horizon, painting the sky in hues of purples and blues, Seokmin kneeled in front of a sitting Jihoon. Jihoon felt his heart speed up as he knew what was coming. The long bathroom break was actually Seokmin bringing an engagement ring out from his luggage. </p><p>“Lee Jihoon, the past four months have made me realize, more than before that you are my world. I feel as if I’m not by your side every day I am missing a piece of me. That’s why I’m asking you to spend the rest of your life with me. Please grow old with me. I want to hold your hand for the rest of my life.” Jihoon felt tears rushing down his cheeks, the happy type of tears. He didn’t even have to accept, he just flung himself at his fiancé, showering him in kisses. In between breaths, Seokmin added “I guess that’s a yes” and “Give me ur cute little hand so I can put this ring on you”. The ring, presumably bought in spain was gold with a small garnet line all around it. Inside the words “To my Jihoon” were engraved with the date IV XII MMXIX. </p><p>Jihoon’s smile on the drive back home and for the next few days made his cheeks hurt. </p><p> </p><p> [You don’t know how lovely you are]</p><p>His mom was right, planning for a wedding is hard. </p><p>The first few days after Seokmin’s proposal were spent trying to figure out the date. They both wanted a summer wedding, that was easy. But they couldn’t decide whether that meant to marry in three months, something Seokmin wanted- but would be impossible in planning and preparing terms. Or in a year and 3 months, something that would make planning and preparing easier. </p><p>Amidst all the planning and running around. Seokmin and Jihoon lost their domestic lifestyle. </p><p>The day Seokmin took him to the diner. </p><p>November 3rd, 2019.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. The End of Us</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The first technical chapter for this au. Enter: Jihoon, being a mess and sad.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Also I wanted to give a huge thanks to @/seokkyeommie on twitter aka Emmie for editing and beta reading. Everyone go give her love.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>NOVEMBER 3th,  2019<br/>“I think it’s time I come clean,” Seokmin said, blood draining from his long face. “What’s on your mind baby? You’ve felt distant for this past month,” Jihoon frowned, studying the boy’s facial features. “Remember the day we met,” Seokmin spoke slowly. “Of course, at the coffee shop just down the street.” “And you told me your name,” <br/>Jihoon frantically spoke, “Yes I know, you’re scaring me, what’s wrong?” The younger male looked down at the table, inhaled shakily, and spit out the words that would become Jihoon’s poison. “I never saw-” Jihoon cut him off, with a burst of bitterness. “You never saw colors? Have you never seen- Seokmin, what color is this table?” Seokmin was quiet, refusing to look up from his lap.</p>
<p>Jihoon felt tears rising in his eyes. He felt his chest being blown up like a balloon, filling with too much air. A ball was materializing in his throat.<br/>“What color is my shirt Seokmin? What color are my eyes? What color is my-?”</p>
<p>Silence, Seokmin looked down at the table, tears were spilling onto his lap.</p>
<p>“Seokmin, what color- what-“ and Jihoon couldn’t hold back his tears, he got up from the booth the moment before the waitress arrived to take their order. Embarrassment and anger taking over him, he stormed out of the diner and into the cloudy afternoon. He felt lied to. He felt cheated. He can’t believe that his relationship had been a waste of time.</p>
<p> Right now, Jihoon is walking down the main road, on the crowded sidewalk, everyone’s looking at him as he storms away from the diner and nowhere in particular. The past two years just crumbled in front of him. He has no house, no car. He takes the ring on his finger off, feeling the weight of it more than ever now. He walks into a pawn shop, and up to the pawnbroker. </p>
<p>He takes the ring out of his pocket. “How much is this worth?” He hands the ring over to the pawnbroker who examines it under the lamp she has on. She whistles quietly under her breath and rocks back slightly on her heels. Meanwhile Jihoon is looking around the store, trying to distract himself in order to prevent the tears from falling out. “Hmm, 20k gold, and this garnet,” she hums again, looking up from the ring, “I’d say about $1,030” Jihoon’s eyebrows knot, his hands forming into knuckles involuntary. “The only reason I won’t say it’s $1,200 is due to the personalization, on the inside here,” she hums again, almost condescendingly and slides the ring back over the counter. Jihoon takes it, shoving it into his pocket. Before he can walk out the pawnbroker clears her throat, “You know, whoever gave you that really loves you. You shouldn’t pawn it, or give it away.” Jihoon simply nods without looking back, an attempt to hide his tear stained cheeks and walks out, defeated. </p>
<p>He didn’t know if he should check into a nearby hotel, get an uber back “home” to get his things- he felt so lost and confused. It had been a long time since Jihoon felt stranded. </p>
<p>In the end Jihoon decided to get on the metro and ride down to Santa Monica, and wandered on the dock as a way to distract himself until the sun had long set. Once it became dark he got a beachside hotel and the minute he sank into the white sheets he felt tears rise to his eyes again. Tears he refused to let out. He fought his emotions until he fell asleep. </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>NOVEMBER 4th, 2019<br/>Jihoon woke up and it was still dark outside. He went out into the tiny balcony, inhaled the salty scent of the ocean, he felt a need to go down by the shore. He suppressed it and went back info his room, shutting the glass door and turning on the air conditioner. </p>
<p>The next time he woke up it was well past noon, based off the digital clock on the bedside table. Jihoon attempted to rub the sleep out of his eyes before bringing his phone up to his face to unlock it. </p>
<p>Of course, it was dead. He sighed and placed it on the wireless chargers the hotel offered before hoping in for a shower. </p>
<p>Once he was out and his phone was charged to a mighty 15% he called Seungcheol, in hopes that he would let him stay at his and Jeonghan’s place for at least a week while he searched for an apartment. </p>
<p>After the third trill Seungcheol picked up. Jihoon was overjoyed to hear the older male’s voice on the line, “Hey Jihoon, what’s up?” <br/>“I was,” Jihoon paused, how was he going to explain everything that happened? “I was wondering if I could come visit you and Jeonghan today?” Jihoon heard the other male shuffle around a bit, “Totally hoon, what time did you have in mind?” as Seungcheol finished that sentence Jihoon put him on speaker and opened the map app on his phone. If he got an Uber it would only be 40 minutes and it was currently 3:45, he pursed his lips. “How’s 5 sound?” He heard Seungcheol hum an affirmative, more shuffling around, a creaking and then Jeonghan’s voice “Hey hoonie! We haven’t caught up in a while, hurry and get over here. Bring some wine too.” Seungcheol giggled, “We’ll make dinner out of it, can we expect your louder counterpart?” Jihoon cringed at the thought of Seokmin, “Not this time, he has the night shift at the restaurant today.” Then a pause, like Seungcheol was trying to figure if Jihoon was lying or not “Awhh, alright guess we’ll see you then.” He hung up. </p>
<p>As soon as the call ended he called room service and ordered food and called reception to order toiletries. He ate and washed up, turning in his key. Afterwards strolling to the local grocery store to buy a red tinted wine. He returned to the hotel, ordered the Uber and waited in the lobby. The Uber driver was extra chatty, it was just not Jihoon’s week. </p>
<p>Once he finally got to the Choi-Yoon residence he internally cursed himself for forgetting to put on that stupid piece of gold because the first thing Jeonghan did was grab his hand to search for it, having only heard of the couple’s engagement. When he found nothing however, he looked questioningly at Jihoon and furrowed his eyebrows. That’s when Seungcheol read the room and walked to the hallway that functioned as an entrance to the front door. Jihoon almost collapsed into their arms, handing over the bottle of red wine to Seungcheol. Jeonghan practically dragged the smaller man into their living room and sat down next to Jihoon, Seungcheol coming in a bit after and sat on the other side. Jeonghan was rubbing Jihoon’s back, trying to soothe him.</p>
<p>Once he gained his composure Jihoon told the couple-who hadn’t moved- the entire diner story. Explaining his random need to visit, and asking if he could stay for a bit, which of course they agreed to. </p>
<p>They simply shared worried looks and gave Jihoon dinner, they showed him to the guest bedroom and gave him fresh clothes. Seungcheol promised he would take him to get his things whenever he was ready. Jihoon could only thank them and say he was eternally grateful, promising to make up the favor in one way or another. The couple simply told him not to worry about it too much. </p>
<p>The next few days consisted of Jihoon building up his courage to get his things out of his old home and give Seokmin back the ring. </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>NOVEMBER 7th, 2019<br/>Jihoon gathered up enough courage to finally go and get his things. Luckily for him, Seokmin wasn’t home when he got there. He wrote him a note, leaving it behind with the ring “Here’s your ring” there was no sentiment. Jihoon couldn’t bring himself to write anything more, he felt Seokmin didn’t deserve it and he wouldn’t care. After all, he was never his soulmate. </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>NOVEMBER 10th, 2019<br/>After Seungcheol and Jeonghan had enough of his moping around and dragged him out to an arcade he began to put Seokmin out of his mind. Jihoon pushed away the intrusive thoughts that no one would ever love him. He didn’t have a soulmate. He refused to think about his sad, sad life and instead focused on the mortal combat. </p>
<p>After 4 games he made third on the leaderboard, titled his name “JIH” and left. He moved onto the donkey kong 2 machines down and once he placed first on it- refusing to get anything lower- he wrote in “JIH” again and refilled his ICEE. He spent the time until the couple wanted to leave trying to beat the Dance Dance Revolution machine in the suspiciously dimly lit corner of the arcade. Jihoon wasn't the worst dancer so he managed to place 5th, after breaking a sweat, that is. He wanted to place top 3 but gave up when the sun started setting and Jeonghan had to drag Jihoon and his husband out of the arcade. As Jeonghan threatened to let him walk home Jihoon wrote in the “JIH” he had on the other leaderboards and swore he would be back to place top 3.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. New Beginnings</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jihoon getting his life together! yay</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you again to Em for editing and beta reading AND helping me with the title. If it weren't for her I would be posting garbage T_T SO go give her some love<br/>@/seokkyeommie on that blue bird app.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>NOVEMBER 12th, 2019<br/>
The last thing Jihoon wanted was this. Jihoon had begged Seungcheol and Jeonghan to not tell Seokmin he was with them. But here he was, locked in the guest bedroom as a teary-eyed Seokmin stood outside, and by the sound of it, attempting to break down the door. Jihoon didn’t want to see him. He wanted to forget his name. If he held onto Seokmin he might never love again (if that was even possible). He would forgive him, and he would love someone that wasn’t meant for him. The thought of letting go of Seokmin almost held the same weight as the thought of loving him, but not being loved back. He just wanted to be done with the younger male. The poor boy wanted to forget they ever existed. To forget that there was ever an “us”. He knew it wasn’t possible, but that’s all he wished for.</p>
<p>Jihoon fell asleep against the locked door, cheeks stained with tears and eyes puffy and tired from sobbing into his sleeves. </p>
<p>When he finally decided to get out of the room to use the restroom down the hall, a restless Seokmin, with just as many tears on his face, fell into his room upon opening the door. Jihoon practically ran to the bathroom, silently praying that Seokmin wouldn’t wake up and want to talk to him. Unfortunately for Jihoon, when he stepped out of the restroom, Seokmin wasn’t on the floor asleep. Rather, he was sitting wide awake in his bed. Jihoon felt like running back into the bathroom. He cursed under his breath, “fuck”, iinhaled and took a step forward, towards the room.</p>
<p>“Can I help you?” Jihoon spoke into the tense room through gritted teeth, not really acknowledging Seokmin, not quite looking over at him. Seokmin huffed, reluctantly focusing on the older. “Jihoon, I’m sosorry I lied to you, I’m sorry I wasted two years of your life. It was really selfish of me, but I thought- I thought maybe I could grow to love you.” He stuttered, his eyes watering at every word. “Because when I told you my name your face glowed, you looked so beautiful and your smile was so wide.” The younger boy smiled, bittersweetness showing through his features. “I thought- I thought that I would fall in love with you, somewhere down the line my world would be colorful as well. I really wanted that Jihoon. I really did, I thought- I could’ve sworn we were meant to be, you felt like home, you still do. And you always will.” Jihoon hit his chest with his knuckle. He didn’t want to have this conversation, Seokmin saying all of this broke his heart into even smaller pieces. He buckled down onto the rough carpet, next to the bed and talked into the rug, “ I wish you had never told me any of that. You’re right, you are selfish,” he heard a whimper from the male on the bed, he turned his head to be heard better, “you want me to love you with nothing in return, you want me-  your soulmate- to love you, without receiving anything back? With knowing that I’m not your soulmate, that this ‘long-life love’ is one sided?” Jihoon was sitting up now, rage fueling his words ``You expect me to do that for you? You’re so selfish. You’re so damn egocentric Seokmin,” his name rolled off his tongue like poison, he wanted it off. All he could do was huff at the other male who was sitting on his bed, seemingly frozen. He exhaled shakily and grabbed blankets to sleep in the living room. Jihoon wondered angrily why Jeonghan and Seungcheol would invite Seokmin over, staring into the darkness of the room. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>NOVEMBER 13th, 2019<br/>
There was a nagging pain in his neck. The couch he slept on was lumpy and the armrest did a terrible job as a makeshift pillow. He was mad that his friends made him face Seokmin that way. </p>
<p>He went apartment hunting after breakfast. Now was the time to move out. </p>
<p>After half a day of hunting apartment through the newspaper and driving through neighborhoods Jihoon found a nice, single bedroom apartment in the heart of LA. It wasn’t ideal, but at least he didn’t need a roommate. He made the down payment to the manager of the building and a contract to move in by the end of the week.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>NOVEMBER 20th, 2019<br/>
A final thanks and goodbye were due to Jeonghan and Cheol, despite their idea to push Jihoon to talk to Seokmin. Although, he understood that it was in good will. </p>
<p>Jihoon donated a large part of his clothes, the ones that reminded him and smelled like him. He bought new furniture and appliances, and he was lucky to have had money saved up from his last published book. Now, his savings were slim. Next on his to-do list was a job search. He sighed, thinking about the process of updating his resume, sending his application, going to interviews and then having to adjust to the new co-workers. Jihoon didn’t do well around other people, a large part as to why he considered his freelance writing a day time job and other jobs as part time jobs which simply helped him stay afloat while he published a new book. </p>
<p>Once he was done applying to big chain fast food joints online he- unfortunately- left his apartment to job hunt “the old fashioned way” walking into businesses that had a “help wanted” sign outside. </p>
<p>He stumbled into a small bakery and a few cafés, introducing himself and leaving a name and number behind. Not half a day passed by when he got a call from a “Pierre’s Pain et Lait”- the bakery- for an interview the next day. It looked like his sour streak may be turning sweet. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>NOVEMBER 25th, 2019<br/>
Having worked a couple of days at the bakery, Jihoon familiarizes himself with the different stages of dough, the regulars, and has a small gist of how to make a latte. One of the daily customers he’s seen so far is a tall, reserved man that he’s come to learn is called Wonwoo. Wonwoo usually spends his time in the bakery curled up in one of the sofas they offer as seating. With a book, a coffee, and sometimes a danish, Wonwoo immediately becomes one of his favorites. Honestly, Jihoon isn’t a people watcher, it’s just that Wonwoo catches his attention unlike anyone else, he thinks they might become good friends if given the chance. He gives Wonwoo his number and name, he isn’t surprised when there’s no burst of color- but he doesn’t dwell on it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>NOVEMBER 30th, 2019<br/>
Jihoon was right, Wonwoo and him quickly became friends, they spend time at each other's apartments and hang out at least twice a week. Jihoon soon found out that Wonwoo works at the arcade Jeonghan and Seungcheol took him once, and he goes pretty often nowadays. He also learnt- through observation- that Wonwoo has an immense crush on his roommate, Mingyu, who seems to adore Wonwoo as well. Seeing them pine over each other gives Jihoon some hope- hope that he might be able to find someone that loves him as much as he loves them without having to be soulmates. </p>
<p>Jihoon spends way too much time at the arcade, either distracting Wonwoo or trying to beat the dumb Dance Dance Revolution machine. It’s not easy when you can only dance off based on the arrows. If he could see the reds and blues he would have beat the first place slot holder “SOO” a long time ago. </p>
<p>Instead of only beating “CHA”, the second place holder, he would say it was inexplicably frustrating except he knew himself too well, he knew that he was competitive even with this utter stranger, he refused to let them beat him. It wasn’t until Jihoon put a name to the face of “CHA” that the fire of competition grew in his belly. Lee Chan was the walking stereotype of a dancer, of course he had placed second on the DDR leaderboard. There was still a nagging to figure out who held the first though. </p>
<p>It’s not as if Jihoon could spend all day in the arcade and feed all his spare change to the machine. He begged Wonwoo to tell him who “SOO” was, but being the giant tease Wonwoo is, he wouldn’t spill. And yet something in Jihoon’s chest wouldn’t stop nagging him to beat the mysterious “SOO”.</p>
<p>He chalked it up to competition.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This au is coming to an end next chapter :( yes i know, i know. I honestly could've made this a 2 chapter au but- it is too late for that. Anyway, this is just me ranting. There will be a happy ending because I'm too much of a softie for my own good.<br/>Alrighty, thank you for reading this</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. The End</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Just as the title says.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Enjoy the last chapter! </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Special thanks to Emmie (@/seokkyeommie) for beta reading and editing this au, I couldn't have done it without her. And another thanks to my best friend, Aileen (@/taebeear) for giving me a shove towards writing again, I love you bub. And an even bigger thanks to everyone reading this :) you guys are the bomb diggity</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>NOVEMBER 31st, 2019<br/>Surely he must be hallucinating. This isn’t possible. He’s staring at the white and black checkered floor, dark blue converse coming into view. Jihoon looks down at his sleeves, clad in white. The boy looks at his denim pants, he exhales, raises his gaze and lets his jaw drop. The arcade is filled with glowing reds, blues, greens, neons, and blinking lights. He feels a tear escape him. He swallows hard and worries his cuticle. Then he looks up at the boy who just introduced himself as not only Kwon Soonyoung but also the first place holder on the DDR leader board. He feels himself shaking, collapsing into himself as the boy in front of him stares, head tilted to the side like a confused puppy. Jihoon couldn’t believe his eyes. His world was full of color. It hasn't been a month since he lost- his brain stops in its tracks listening to his pleading heart. </p>
<p>He feels a steadying hand on his shoulder, “is it alright if I hug you? You look like you need it.” and Soonyoung’s arms encircle him in comfort, in bliss as he nods a small ‘yes’. He buries his head and cries, exhaling into the crook of the taller males neck. There's repetitive soft pats on his back, Soonyoungs hand is stable and careful. How can a stranger be this kind? He must know by now. After a minute Jihoon pushes lightly against the taller male, not enough to be let go from his hold but enough to look him in the face as he tells him his name, inspecting his face for any sign of a lie. History can’t repeat itself. Jihoon can’t bring his lips to utter anything, not even an apology before it’s too late and his instincts have acted on their own. </p>
<p>He runs out of the arcade, legs carrying him away from the man and lungs begging him to stop, but he can’t, he won’t. The dirty cement blurs under his feet as he runs and from his peripheral vision can see the brown, yellow and oranges of trees blurring. He runs, runs without a purpose except to get away. He runs without destination until he reaches a small park on a hill, sitting under a stubby tree and leaning against the sturdy trunk to cry.</p>
<p>After about half an hour of sulking he hears quick footsteps that slow down once they reach the park. Jihoon closes his eyes, afraid that he’ll cry if he does otherwise. He feels Soonyoung’s presence on the other side of the trunk, hears a grunt as he sits down and shuffles to get comfortable, he exhales. “I understand if you don’t want to tell me your name, I get that you’ve probably been hurt.” the other chuckles a little, then sniffles, “hell, it’s even okay if you don’t think you’re ready to love again, I just- just wanted you to know that I’ll wait.” He clears his throat and sniffles. “I just wanted you to know,” he grunts, cutting himself off and the next thing Jihoon hears are departing steps. </p>
<p>And that’s when reality hits, along with a rush of cold air, Jihoon stands up, blood rushing to his head and reaches to catch Soonyoung’s jacket before he’s out of reach. He inhales deeply, the air piercing his lungs. Opens his mouth to speak and nothing comes out, he lets go of Soonyoung’s jacket and Soonyoung steps to face Jihoon, looks down at the grass. And that’s when it hits Jihoon. Soonyoung wants to see the green of the grass, the colors of the autumn leaves, his shoes, his clothes, he deserves to see it too. Jihoon forces the words to come out.</p>
<p>“I’m Lee Jihoon.” the taller male looked around, blinked hard, exhaled in what sounded like surprise and joy and hugged Jihoon tight. Out of wariness, he turned his head and listened to the others quickening heartbeat, battling to stop the smile spreading across his face but ultimately failing. </p>
<p>“Kwon Soonyoung.” The male said after they broke apart, their hands interlaced tightly. </p>
<p>The two boys left the park, bumping shoulders and walking lazily to Jihoon’s apartment. Having agreed that they still need to talk about Jihoon’s past and their future. </p>
<p>They sit on his sofa (in the ugliest shade of brown), side by side, thighs meshed together, the chilly air coming from the open window drying Jihoons tears.</p>
<p> “You’ve turned my life upside down,” Jihoon turns to look at Soonyoung while he speaks. “I hope that’s a good thing.” Soonyoung says playfully, grinning at Jihoon. The other hums in affirmation as he mirrors the smile. He’s sure they look like idiots, smiling at each other. </p>
<p>MARCH 4th, 2020<br/>Jihoon is busy mixing the instant pancake batter. He sighs at the sight of the empty coffee container before starting the coffee maker and crouching down to get a pan for the pancakes. When he stands back up to cook the pancakes, he feels a pair of familiar arms wrap around him.</p>
<p>He doesn’t even think twice about it, just nods yes and leaps up to lock their lips together. A kiss significantly different than all the others, a kiss like there’s no time left. A kiss with hunger at its center, like the world is ending, like it’s the last time they’ll see each other, like they can’t get enough. As if they had no care in the world. Parting until they’re out of breath, heads light, just to put the makeshift ring made out of the twist tie from the bread bag on his ring finger. Jihoon laughs at the suddenness of it all and the warmth that spreads from his chest to his face. </p>
<p>Wonder ceasing his mind.</p>
<p>He internally awes at the feeling that never seems to fade when it involves anything Soonyoung does. He goes back to cooking their pancakes while his fiance wraps his arms around his waist, kissing his neck and swaying them back and forth.   </p>
<p>JUNE 23rd, 2020<br/>The ceremony is small, only 11 friends are invited and immediate family. They whisper their vows, promising each other to meet again next life. They kiss and it’s exactly like all the thousands of times, it’s home, it’s that long exhale when you can finally get under the covers after a long day. It’s bliss. </p>
<p>Their honeymoon is in the Bahamas and they never want to leave, while they both get tans. The couple spends 30% of their time eating and the other 70% exploring. They promise to come back for another two weeks, loving the scenery a bit too much. </p>
<p>When they finally come back they find that thanks to their wedding all their friends have coupled up- the sight although heart warming is pretty gross. But they acknowledge that it’s their relationship mirrored. </p>
<p>It feels now like Jihoon has the world in his hands. Although it feels like time is running faster than ever, he feels calm. If his life were to end right now, he would be okay. He knows he’ll find Soonyoung again. And again, and again, and again. Because there’s something in their souls, something that will always pull them together, they were made from the same star. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>[FINIS]</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you so so so so much for reading my writing T_T I'm glad you even finished right now and didn't get bored half way through. </p>
<p>Kudos and comments never hurt anyone ;)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>